Jerry Springard
by Mamoru's Playmate
Summary: The Dysfunctional Odinson family


_**Author's Notes: Here's another short and sweet PWP! And thank you to the bf for idea!**_

**Jerry Springard**

_by_** Mamoru's Playmate**

_Welcome to the Jerry Springard show. Today we have a special show for you about an out of ordinary dysfunctional family. Who would thought being royalty would have so may skeletons in the closet? _

"Our first guest today is Loki Odinson and he's today to get something off his chest."

"Yes, Jerry, I do. It appears my loving father isn't so loving after all."

"And why do you feel that way, Loki?"

"Because he's always favored my idiot older brother Thor. And I also recently found out my loving father isn't my real father after all."

"_," said the audience. boo_

"It appears, Jerry, my real father is King Laufey of the Frost Giants."

"And what is a Frost Giant, Loki?"

"A Frost Giant is a creature mother's tell their children horror story's about before they go to bed at night."

"But you don't look so scary."

"That's because Odin changed the way I look so he could keep me locked up from the world like an old relic in the golden palace."

"_Dammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmn," went the audience._

"So, Loki, what brings you here to the Jerry Springard show today?"

"Jerry, I just want to be loved and I want my adoptive father Odin to reveal all because I feel he has more secrets that he's not telling to others in my family."

"_."_

"Well, Loki, if you like to head to the green room for a few while I bring out our next guest."

Loki gets up and walks off the stage.

"Let's meet our next guest please welcome Odin the All Father."

Odin walks out from the opposite side the stage that Loki exited from and sits down.

"Good to have you here today with us Odin. So, do you know why you're here today?"

"What is this show about?"

"This show is about bringing the skeletons in the closet to light."

"I don't have no skeletons in my closet"

"What about the baby you stole and raised as your own flesh and blood?"

"I did it for a reason. That in hopes one day it would bond both of our kingdoms together in a unified peace."

"I also heard you have another son as well."

"You mean the one that's a disgrace to the throne. The one who doesn't want to marry his own kind."

"_," went the audience._

"I regret ever bringing that one into the world only to constantly defy me."

"Well, when you have kids they don't always do what their told. That's what makes them who they are. Don't you think you're being a little hard on him?"

"He was born for a purpose. To be my heir and to inherit my throne after I die. Not to be chasing after some silly mortal female."

"_!"_

"What about your other son? Why not let him be king?"

"Because he's evil! He plotted for my assassination while I was in the Odinsleep."

"Isn't there anyone to protect you while your in this Odinsleep?"

"Yes, my lovely wife Frigga."

"Let's bring back our first guest, Loki."

And Loki come back out and sits in a chair next to Odin.

"Loki, what is the meaning of this?"

"You don't take me serious enough, Father."

"Loki, you tried to assassinate me while I was in the Odinsleep and if it wasn't for your brother Jotunheim would no longer exist because of you."

"Why do you always pretend to play the innocent victim when everything is mostly you're fault?"

"I'm not the one who showed the Jotun's how to get past Heimdall on the day of your brother's coronation to steal the Casket of Ancient Winters."

"Who's the one who stole the Casket from the Jotun's in the first place, Father?"

"You don't understand, Loki, the Jotun's were trying to destroy Midgard with it. They killed primitive lifeforms like the Dinosaurs and the cavemen with it."

"You're a senile old fool," says Loki.

"I should have never taken you in and left you to die on Jotunheim!"

"_Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"_

"I'm glad you banished that barbaric simpleton so that he can go and be a further embarrassment and procreate with the mortal women of Midgard."

"WHAT?," yelled Odin.

"I hear that he's the reason why he wants to go back to Midgard is for the mortal Jane Foster who will soon be giving birth to your grandchild."

"WHAT!," Odin yelled again.

Loki and Odin continue with their argument.

"Let's bring out our third and final guest Loki's older brother Thor Odinson."

As soon as Thor enters the studio Odin raises his staff and slams it on the ground. A burst of light heads towards Thor and knocks him on the ground.

"What in Valhalla was that for, father?"

"You should know. I think you have forgotten the rules since your banishment to Midgard."

"What rules, father? You cast me out, took my Mjolnir and my power. I am no longer a God. I am mortal just like the people I know live among and call my friends and my family."

"YOU ARE A GOD AND MY SON! Not a mortal and I forbid your union with one."

"YOU BANISHED ME TO MIDGARD!"

"I sent you Midgard to learn a lesson not to procreate with them."

Loki looks at the two with a sly smile on his face as they continue fighting.

"I'm not the one who goes around stealing babies and ancient relics."

"See, Jerry, with Thor around my father pays no mind to me. He doesn't care that I'm bent on total world domination."

"Everyone lets stop the arguing and talk about the issues at hand." Odin and Thor stop their fighting and look at Jerry. "Now, Odin, I see your concerned with the family line. Why can't you treat both your sons equally?"

"I do treat them both equally."

"You banish Thor for what he did, but you don't banish Loki for trying to kill you and the people of Jotunheim. That's not fair. Now Loki mentioned that their might be some skeletons that your keeping the closet and I'd like to know more about them."

"I have no skeletons in the closet."

"I understand you have a wife. Now how many children has she given birth to?"

Odin paled at that question.

"Yes, I have a wife and she's a great mother to my boys."

"Did she give birth to either one of them? We know you found Loki what about Thor?"

"Thor is my son. He is my bloodline and heir to the throne."

"Is your wife his biological mother?"

"What do you mean by biological?"

"Who is Thor's real mother since it's not your wife?"

"_OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."_

Thor looked at Odin, "FATHER!"

"Thor, you are very much my son. My darling Frigga is your step-mother."

"Who is my mother?"

"Gaea, the goddess of Midgard."

"You have no right to judge me and to tell me that I have no business with Jane. I give up my claim on the on a throne that is soo tainted with secrets and lies. From this day forth I am a citizen of Midgard and you are dead to me, father!"

"Thor, you don't understand. Frigga is unable to have any kids of her own."

"Too late, Father. You have made your bed and now you can lie in it. I have my own family to think about. I will always be the protector of Midgard, but I will not apart of your throne of lies any longer. Good-bye, Father," and Thor leaves the stage.

"See what you've done, Father! Your sins are so great that even your one and only heir wants nothing to do with you."

"You are my son as well, Loki. You may not be my blood, but you are my son. I am proud to call both of you my sons even if I have been stubborn." And Odin leaves the stage.

"Well, Loki, this has all been a very interesting show. Hopefully this has helped start the healing process with your family."

_Jerry's Thoughts: "Today we have seen a very dysfunctional family sort out their family differences hopefully it has helped young Loki start the healing process with his father. Until next time."_

_Odin watches a very tired and sleepy Jane cuddle in bed with her husband Thor and their newborn twins. "I really fucked up. I wish I could make amends with my son. After all I was a dick and I have two very lovely grandchildren."_


End file.
